Just A bunch Of Rubish

For the third time in the last year, I am at a crossroads. The first time was when I broke up with my ex, the second was when I moved into my place, and the third is now where I stand with my family and where I am in my life. I love my family very much, and they do want the best for me, but they have told me that they long to see me more. For most if not all of my life I have struck out on my own and jumped into allot of unknown things and places. One of the big reasons I am in
Denver is due largely in part to a girl that I dated a little while back. At the time of me moving here I was so confused as to what I really wanted. And sadly the only thing that has come out of it, is a person who is confused and doesn’t really have a good grip on what he wants for himself.

I guess I really am looking for something to stable myself and make me really want to work for and improve. To be honest I really wanted that in my last relationship, and I was willing to fight for it, though I found I was the only one. In some funny way I have learned so much through great amounts of pain and loss. And all the while my life as been a series of cyclical events that lead to the same place each time, and that’s back to me. Now that may sound very selfish of me, but to be honest it’s not really. I tend to go through these cycles of completely pouring myself into someone or something. In my case for the last 2 years I gave all my time to a band that ended up breaking up and 2 failed relationships.

When I look back I think that maybe subconsciously I chose these people to associate with, knowing that I would eventually break ties with them or would end up being on the outs. To be honest I have leaned toward groups of people, or people who, by nature, are more needier people. And because of this I have given my time and energy to an endless well of insecurity and self loathing. And these traits are just not my bag. Never once in my life have I ever carried such burden on my chest. I don’t consider myself a needy person, nor do I ever want to be. I know that every lesson in life is paved with a hard road, but it wasn’t until the family factor came into the picture that I really had to reset myself and what is going to be good for me.

Since I have been in
Texas the offer of not only work but financial support has been brought to me. This hit me like a ton of bricks only because a part of me really wanted to consider it. For the last few years I have been on my own and living in a place that I had never been to before calling it home. I love
Denver and the people that I call friends in it, but to be honest I don’t really have a solid base or feel that this where I should be. I have had to claw and scratch for everything since I have been here. And I don’t regret this at all. Everything I have is mine, and that fills me with a sense of accomplishment, but I know that there is more I can get from where I am currently at. One thing that I will leave behind is a mess of awesome people and my life up to this point. And either way I will be left with the sense of what if.

Though I think at this point in my life I really don’t have anything to lose. I don’t have a kid, I am young and willing to travel and move. Though I want to shoot myself to a point where I can honestly get a good job, find that special someone and settle down a bit. I have always wanted that stability in my life and never really got it, so when it comes to me I want to make sure that my future family has that. I know that life is crazy and disjointed, and doesn’t always work the way you would like it to but I think finding the best situation for me and my future is where I am headed. But when it comes to family I now have a new factor in the equation. They may be taxing at times, but I love them for there faults and for the fact that they only want the best for me.

The stars at night are big and bright(clap,clap) deep in the heart of Texas..

 

 

This next week I’m taking a little well deserved vacation toDallas. Most of you may think that Dallas may not be the best travel destination. Some people suggested that I take a trip to the coast or even better Mexico. While I do agree these are awesome places to go, Dallas will give me a chance to see some family and hit on some Texas beauties. Now I am not saying that Denver doesn’t have its fair share of hotties, but I am excited to meet some good ol Texas girls. The last time I was in Dallas I wasn’t even old enough to get into a PG-13 movie, so it has been awhile.

 

When going out of the country I tend to save that for ever other year. I like going to other countries and taking in the culture but I have to say I like coming back to
America. When you go to other countries you either get treated like a foreigner, which can really suck, or you get treated like a king, this all depends on where you go. Now I have reasoned in my mind that I might get treated like an out-of-towner while in Dallas, but I don’t really have to worry about being stranded in some Hostel where everyone pretends to not speak English or stuck in customs trying to cross the boarder and a German Guard dog smells a bar of freshly made Belgian chocolate. So you cant really put a price on having the piece of mind to go into a bar and find a sea of red necks. Not to say that they are any better, but a Bud and Hank Williams song tend to soother their savage heart a bit better.

 

In addition to this I’m going to take in a little Texas and Dallas Culture. I plan to hit up a museum and stroll in Downtown. If you think I’m going to strap on a pair of cowboy boots your wrong. I like to observe my surrounds as much as possible, but lets face it cowboy boots are not only overly obnoxious but don’t really have any place in the city. Don’t let GQ fool you, they don’t always hit the mark with there fashion trends. Like I mentioned earlier it’s not another country but in some ways it might as well be. Dallas is a huge city that makes Denver look like a pint sized cow town and has plenty of history and culture. I don’t want to portray Denver as less of city, but I want to look at the differences between the two and portray my city in its own light. And in my opinion I think it can float its own.

 

One thing that I am looking forward to is the food. When it comes to this aspect I really want to get as much of the Texas culture as possible. That’s rite, were talking the classic bring your own bib, no city slickers allowed, clog your arteries, cowboy hats requires, steak house. I’m looking for the steak house that has an industrial sized drum of barbeque sauce on hand, and all the meat is cooked on a grill that is made out of a few drums that have been cut in half and welded back together. Something resembling an iron lung, just to give you an idea. I know it’s cliché but I really want to get my fill while I’m there. Not to say that Denver doesn’t have some really good steakhouses but when in Rome.

 

I will however miss my city while I’m gone, and no doubt someone will tell me that they had a great time while I was gone and it will never happen again. But I think I can live with that. Just as long as there is pictures to back up the story. And who knows I may meet a rich oil tycoon sugar mama who will buy me a jet. And if that doesn’t work out I can always settle for a slender blond haired country girl. Either way it’s looking good for this
Denver boy.