May God,Allah,Shiva,the force,Jesus,Zeus be with you…

In my attempt to understand all aspects of human behavior I have stumbled upon this recurring issue of religion and where it plays a part in my life. Recently I have been e-mailing this person back and forth. And one question that blew me out of the water was my stance on religion and is God a big part of my life? Now it’s not that I am not willing to talk about God and religion, but usually people who have a very deep religious upbringing really take offense to having open talks about there faith. Now for me I was born without a religion, meaning my family didn’t go to church or dedicated themselves to any particular sect of religion. When I turned 7 my mom and I found the Mormons. So from age 8 to 16 I was LDS. Though my mom still smoked, drank, and had pre marital sex, while I smoked pot, drank, and had pre marital sex. So to say the least I was not the shining example of your typical Mormon. And to be honest there are more horny teen-age Mormons that are having sex then most people would like to think.

 

On the plus side of this I got an extensive view of what religion is and large aspects of Christianity and its structure. For me I stopped going to church when I realized that there was people who were saying God wouldn’t love me as much if I didn’t go on a mission. And to me that’s a bunch of shit. On one hand the bible says God is malevolent and loves you no matter what, but on the other hand there is this collection of people that say they spoke with God personally, and he says you have to do A,B,C to be in his good graces. It seemed to much like a talent show for me, and I was out after that. But I will say I don’t have a beef with God, I think my major issue is with people and there own personal interpretation. If someone can carry out genocide based on there own personal interpretation of the bible, or a passage within the bible, what’s to say that people can’t start a religion too.

 

Now this brings me to the answer I gave as well as the response I was given to my answer. I said that I do believe there is a God, that there was a Jesus, and there is such thing as the Holy Ghost, or Spirit Guide, Inner voice, Jiminy Cricket, whatever tickles your fancy. There was more to it then that, but I said that I can’t see God, Jesus, Angles, the Devil, so I can’t say 100% that these things exist. But I did say that I can see people and the actions that they carry out. There is no faith required to tell me that my actions can directly effect someone else. So by me being a good person and treating everyone with respect, that is just as good as preaching the word of God or going to church every Sunday. Because last time I read the bible, no were did it say God will love you more if you go to church. Though it does say something about loving your fellow man?

 

Her response was that of confusion. Her background is typical of a girl from a small town who was raised in a Christian household, and moved to a big city, your typical fish-out-of-water scenario. She said that while she respected my opinion, she couldn’t understand how I could associate Christianity to being loving an accepting of all people, with no discretion to race, upbringing, sexual orientation, or beliefs. One thing that really let the cat out of the bag was her mention to her father who is very devoutly religious and how she is striving to find that kind of guy. So now this idea I have built up about her has just come crashing down rite in front of me. Not really giving me anything to back up her believes, other then saying, “God is really great ya know?” I had to assume she was more or less another person who bite the whole religious trip hook, line, and sinker.

 

I really do respect the fact that she is religious, but I can’t hardly stomach that she doesn’t really know why she feels the way she does. And in search of her future partner she wants to find a man who feels the same way. I guess I shouldn’t judge but by me saying that and harboring those feelings I am being hypocritical. To top it of she makes it hard to resist her when she tells me what kind of panties she is wearing that particular day, or lack there of. So when it comes to meeting people, I guess the lesson is to take the good with the bad. And yes it sucks that she is somewhat naïve, but I guess if the bible has taught me anything(which is very little) it’s that you should not judge less you be judged. So beliefs aside she’s a cool chick and who knows maybe the big man will cut me some slack and grant me with the gift of gab.

Lossing my mind.. Thank you Dionne Warwick!!

For the last few weeks I have been using this blog as a way to get out my feelings and give you a view into my life. I didn’t really want to use this blog as a way to vent or harbor any ill will that I may have toward a group of people or persons. With that being said that doesn’t mean I can blow a couple of shells into myself. Call it self deprecating but in allot ways it brings me down and makes me realize where I actually stand with people and my own life.

This last week I have been really reading up on astrology and what it actually means. For the most part it is allot of self fulfilling prophesy kind of stuff. But It really said allot of things about my character that somewhat caught me off guard. Before this I didn’t really study up to much on what my sign actually meant. I found out that the Libra sign is the only astrological sign not represented by an animal or a human. If you already knew this, then give yourself a pat on the back and a cookie, but if you didn’t know, it’s a scale. Which in allot of ways kind of sums me up. I always have to be in balance and if one side gets heaver then the other I strive to get it back in order. Also one trait that Libras exhibit is that they are very affectionate people and are ruled by love. After reading this I had to step back and cringe a bit.

I hated to be reading it, but my major flaw was spelled out rite in front of me. My sign was obsessed with the feeling and being in love. And because of this will almost always tailor them selves to be in the midst of love and keep them selves there, even to the very end. And yes everything was very true, and without a doubt could draw me in that light without effort. So this made me think no matter what I try to do on the love front, I’m going to be subject to a borage of undesirable women who would rather use me as a human ashtray then try to love me back. Dishearten I began to think that the fates had it in for me. Something that I had held so dear was no more then a predicted characteristic that has been known for hundreds if not thousands of years.

Pacing in my apartment I felt doomed. I didn’t feel like I had any control of myself and my fate was written in the stars. Trying to take somewhat decisive action I began to search and dig deeper into this issue. I looked for things that would somehow write me a ticket to get out of this unconscious behavior and put me back to a place where I would have a choice. Then I started to think about human behavior in general. We as people are different, but we all have habits and traits that have been repeated thousands of times in history, and most likely since the beginning of man. So as I calmed down I began to realize that people are creatures of habit, and that your sign only determines what characterizes you lean toward, not what is set in stone.

So now here is where I made a critical mistake and feel like a total ass. I got so worked up over a freaking horoscope. And on top of everything turned into a nervous fidgety mess trying to find something that would un-do what I had read. As much as I claim to have my stuff together, who knew that a little self observation would freak me out so much. That in allot of ways made me think the advice I give out aint worth jack. In no way do I ever want to preach to people. I realize that sometimes you have to get burned to know not to do something again. So if I can say anything about me it’s that I don’t think I am better then anyone else. Or for that matter tell people how they should live there lives. Be it the Libra in me, but I want people to get the most out of everything in life. That includes happiness and whatever comes with it. And if I can offer that in any way what so ever I will. So I guess I learned my lesson to not be so gullible, which is a trait of Libra, and try to think before I act or for that matter flip out.